It is said that comparison is the thief of joy! This is true especially when you compare all your marital problems with the good stories others are posting online. All of a sudden, it appears nothing much is happening in your marriage and you begin to wish you had all the successes and good things portrayed by other couples.
Comparing ourselves amongst ourselves is not wise (2 Cor 10:12). It leads to discontentment. To be discontent is to be dissatisfied with what you have or to think what you have isn’t good enough. It creates the sense of we don’t have much or we aren’t achieving much in life. Many marriages/spouses have fallen victim to this and are wondering where they missed it.
Each person should seek what works for them and for their marriage/family. Many spouses have pushed their significant other to a pointless career path that is now wrecking their marriages and stealing the joy and intimacy that once existed.
Each time you compare yourself with others around you or your spouse with someone else, you assume you know everything about them, how they have achieved their successes and how you would love to have what they have.
Comparison can lead to envy and jealousy. It says, “Why can’t we have what they have?”, “We can do better than them” or even go as far as to say, “Let’s go bigger than them.” We need to avoid this at all costs. Envy will lead you to a destination you don’t want to arrive at. It’s a precursor to every manner of evil work.
Ways in Which We Compare
- We Compare Our Spouse With Others
Most husbands and wives compare their spouse with someone else’s spouse. They compare their spouse’s looks, habits, personalities and even achievements with others. In effect, you say to your spouse that you are not good enough for me or I wish I am with that other woman or man.
Essentially, comparison makes the person you are comparing your spouse to better than yours. This act destroys the bond that exists between you and your spouse. It causes your spouse to want to have less interaction with you since it appears you’re always suggesting he/she is not good enough for you.
- We Compare Our Material Possessions With Other Couples/Neighbours
A lot of marriages have been wrecked by this very issue, thus causing so much conflicts in marriages. Comparing the kind of car you drive or the kind of house/neighbourhood you live in is totally unnecessary. There are wives today who have separated from their husbands because they think they aren’t providing enough like their friends/neighbours.
The fact that your friend lives in a mansion or drives the latest model of car is not a sign of success. Success is not defined by how big your material possessions are or by how flamboyant a lifestyle your life is. If success were to be defined by how big your house or car is then millionaires who live in their old same house and drive their not so new cars would be considered not rich! You need to understand that everybody’s financial abilities and desires are different.
- We Compare Our Qualifications/Career Achievements
Just because your friend’s spouse is a director in an organisation doesn’t mean that your spouse must be a director in his own organisation or have a similar role. While it is good to be ambitious and have a clear career path, it is also important to not begin to aspire to attain a friend’s position in your place of work.
Each person should seek what works for them and for their marriage/family. Many spouses have pushed their significant other to a pointless career path that is now wrecking their marriages and stealing the joy and intimacy that once existed.
How To Overcome Comparison
- Be Grateful For The Things You Have
Gratitude is not about waiting till you have the big things before being grateful. Gratitude is an attitude. It’s about looking around and being thankful for everything around you even when they seem extremely small. Be grateful that your spouse is alive, be grateful that you are in good health and be grateful for your old car whilst you plan to buy a new one. Don’t be ungrateful in what appears to be the little things. There are people that would like to have those things you are complaining about.
- Define Your Achievement on Your Own Terms
Stop living your life based on someone else’s standards or defining your achievements based on someone else’s success. Not all that glitters is gold! Some of the things you see online are just for socials, some borrowed, while others are on credit. Don’t hassle your spouse down to the ground in order to live like the Joneses. Don’t get cut up in a trap!
- Avoid Comparison With People You Don’t Have Relationship With
It is so easy to compare your lifestyle with online influencers even though you know nothing about them or their true realities. Yet, you assume they’ve got it all together because of the nice designer items they flash on their social media channels or because of the way they dress or the nice house they portray to live in. Sometimes, what you see is not the true reality!
Remember, comparison is the thief of joy! It will take away the little you have and cause you to start chasing the wind. Get your marriage in order. Plan for the things you desire and don’t let what others have put pressure on you to perform. Enjoy the little you and your spouse have and be content as you plan for expansion.