Choosing who to marry and spend the rest of your life with is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. I use the word “choosing” because it is a choice, so it is important that you get the fundamentals right.
Deciding the right man or woman you choose to walk with in marriage should not be based on superficial things like looks (heights, colour of hair/eyes), charm, their love of nature or their bank account balance! Whatever you set as the basis for your decision or make as your guiding principle will determine how far or how well your marriage will go.
Most singles have a list of what they are looking for in a spouse, but you must weigh that list against God’s Word and ensure you are not compromising on the essentials nor are you being unrealistic in your expectations.
I was out jogging recently and my workout playlist ended before I could finish my run so a random song came up and one of the lines that got my attention was, “I’ll never get over you until I find something new that get me high like you do.”
It’s so sad to see that this is the attitude that our culture promotes these days – that you need to experience a level of “high” in order to be with someone and once that high is gone, then you move on to something new to give you the same level of excitement and adrenaline. As Christians, we cannot allow this to be a part of our guiding principles otherwise we will end up in the same pitfall.
Most singles have a list of what they are looking for in a spouse, but you must weigh that list against God’s Word and ensure you are not compromising on the essentials nor are you being unrealistic in your expectations. So, I say, “Check Your Checklist”.
As a single person searching for a life partner, your search should be based on two main categories and these are your:
- Essentials
- Wants.
Your “essentials” are the must haves that you cannot compromise on.
Your “wants” are the things that you will like but can compromise on.
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Essentials |
Wants |
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1) Christian (Saved) |
1) Looks |
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2) God fearing |
2) Financially rich |
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3) Good character (Integrity, honesty, loyalty, respect, responsible, self-control & caring |
3) Someone with the same level of intelligence |
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4) Have similar vision/vision you believe in |
4) Similar friend circle |
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5) Wisdom |
5) Same/ similar hobbies |
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6) Committed |
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7) Love 8) Same outlook on family (i.e., do they want kids or not) 9)Someone who understands the nature of your job (i.e., if you’re a doctor, someone who understand you could get a call at any time of the day) 10) Similar attitude to finances (i.e.need to save and budget |
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Proverbs 20:6 says, “Many a man proclaims his own loyalty and goodness, but who can find a faithful and trustworthy man?
Psalm 31:30 says “Charm and grace are deceptive, and (superficial) beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD (reverently worshiping, obeying, serving, and trusting Him with awe-filled respect), shall be praised.
The bible is clear that a man or woman of good qualities is hard to come by and beauty does not equal good so be careful in what you’re using as your weighing system. Let the Word and Spirit of God guide you and be careful to ensure you’re not being guided by your emotions alone. Don’t let your emotions overrule the red flags you may come across in the person you’re planning to marry and don’t go into marriage with the mindset of changing your spouse because that will not work either – you can’t force someone to be who they are not.
So I leave you with these two verses:
“The steps of a good & righteous man are directed and established by the Lord, and He delights in his way.” (Psalm 37:23)
“Commit your way to the Lord, Trust in Him also and He will do it.” (Psalm 37:5)
